I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
