i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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