im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
