i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
