see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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