So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize