I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
