nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
