I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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