He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
