you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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