He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
