I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
