Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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