I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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