Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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