i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
