Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
