dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
