it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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