Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
