did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
