after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
