We won't sleep together?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
