oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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