It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
