that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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