OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
