you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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