We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
