So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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