there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
