Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
