dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
