my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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