whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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