i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
