That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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