Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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