He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
