very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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