The maid of honor just puked.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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