You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
