Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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