Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
