my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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