She's JV to your varsity
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
