so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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