Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Semen is not good for contacts.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
