I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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