First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
