that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
