she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
