Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
