living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
