People in love make me want to vomit
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
