I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
