everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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