Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you will always have a special place in my vag
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
