Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
