Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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