That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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