And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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