i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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