I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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