she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
