i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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