Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
