I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
