the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
