just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
