he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
