Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
MIDGETS
????
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
