Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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